Up the wall!

Today I was feeling a little down. I woke up with rotten hayfever that turned my brain into mush for the day.


Luckily my friend Val (a graduate student in my host lab) had invited me to go indoor rock climbing this evening.


I've always wanted to try indoor rock climbing, especially as Sean and my two attempts at summitting Cradle Mountain spectacularly showcased my fear and inexperience.


OK, so the first one ended with me repeating hysterically "I'm going to die, I'm going to die".


The second attempt was less dramatic but had to be aborted as a results of my snail like pace and limpet-style clinging to each rock with all four limbs (while octogenarians leapt happily from boulder to boulder like billy goats). This led Suction-Boot Sean to gently suggest that some training of the indoor variety was possibly indicated prior to any consideration of a third attempt.


(Incidentally, I also love that scene in "The Princess Diaries" where Mia is indoor rock climbing with her mother. I caught it on cable over the weekend [presumably The Family Channel were screening it off the back of the Royal Wedding]. Unfortunately I lack Anne Hathaway's physique [especially in the rear-end department] but I was keen to put it out there).


Enough background.


Blinking mistily through jacked-up levels of histamines I stumbled into the Pacific Edge Climbing Gym. First things first, I signed my life away (tip: don't read the fine print re: the "hazardous nature of the activity" too closely if you don't want to freak yourself out). Next I joined Val upstairs on the exercise bikes to warm up the bod. As we cycled and stretched, I watched in awe (and mild trepidation) as people climbed like ants up the sheer cement walls.


Then it was down to the floor and time to get serious with shoes and harness (the harnesses always make me feel like I'm bridling a horse).


(Caveat: I'm surely going to get some of the lingo incorrect here. I'll get with the program in due course, I hope. No disrespect intended to the climbers.)


Val and her friends gave me some basic instruction before I embarked on my first wall. This one was gently sloped and looked nice and safe. To emphasise that you were on the beginner course, the hand/footholds were the letters of the alphabet. You started at "Z" and climbed your way up to "A". They were like multicoloured alphabet spaghetti.


So here's how you climb:


1) Rope yourself up with amazing knot skills viz-a-viz something akin to a triple Figure of 8 knot, and then a safety knot that does things involving equal signs and the violation of "X"'s.


2) Check with your belayer (that's Val), "Belayed?" She should reply in the affirmative (is v. important to know that you won't die if you fall).


3) Announce your intentions to embrace the wall: "Climbing?" To which Val should reply with encouraging enthusiasm, "Climb on!"


4) Go for it. Keep your hips close to the wall, and let your legs do most of the work. Take your time and think about your course of action (or beg Val for help/instruction).


I have to say, the fear factor was nowhere near the Cradle-Mountain-Aborted-Summit-Attempt levels. Belaying RULES. It's so much easier knowing I'm not going to die and have to be scraped off a mountainside.


With Val's help, I got to "P" on my first attempt and then went for broke and nailed the entire alphabet. Val and her friends were so encouraging and it was a major adrenaline charge. But I was surprised at how sweaty and aerobic a workout it was. Every time I came down I had to run for the water fountain (not helped by hayfever-induced dehydration).


After each climb, it took quite a few minutes for my limbs to stop quivering and for the adrenaline to subside. Everyone rotates between belaying and climbing, and often there's a wait for ropes, so there's almost always an interval between climbs. This is good, because it means you don't have to look like a puny weakling by insisting on a break! I felt majorly unfit, but apparently everyone is in need of at least a small break between Spiderman impressions.


Next, I attempted a more bona fide climb on the same sloped wall: I got to use the real-deal hand/footholds. They kind of look like used chewing gum, but that's okay. At least they looked more credible than the alphabet soup pieces.


The way it works is, there's a whole bunch of used-chewing-gum pieces sticking out of the wall, but routes are marked by colour-coding with tape under each piece. The idea is to only use the pieces marked with the same colour. These map out a route with an associated degree of difficulty.  


Val and her friends amazed and entertained me with their strength and prowess. Val did a very credible impression of Catwoman as she nimbly scaled the higher-difficulty routes on the 50-foot wall with agility, skill and elegance. I learned a lot between each climb simply by watching her in action.


Then it was time for me to hit my first vertical wall. Val put me on the easiest route, but wow, did it feel different when there was no slope to lean into! Of course I clung like a drunken monkey and over-used my arms, had a few inelegant "falls" where I swung on the rope, and generally displayed my ineptitude. I got about a quarter of the way up before my arms and legs gave up, I couldn't see my way forward (up), and I had to come down.


I felt like a puny weakling. It was an entirely different bag to the paddling pool wall - that gravity thing really came into play. I had to start using my head.


After watching a few more climbs (your neck muscles also get a workout just by watching!), I shyly asked Val if it was dumb to ask if she could demonstrate the easy route for me. She kindly explained that this was a great way to learn - and virtually strolled up there in about 2 minutes. But it was extremely helpful to observe what she did (and what I didn't do) on my route.


It was time to try again. I was scared I may have used up my arm-and-quad-strength quota for the day doing silly inefficient things on my earlier attempt, but I seemed to have found my second wind. I wasn't as scared, I took my time, and I think I made more efficient use of my limbs. And hey, the whole experience is such a seductive rush. Failure only makes it more addictive.


But I also leaned heavily on Val for advice.


Typical progress:


Nat: *calling down* "Um, okay, Val, I'm a bit screwed here"
Val: *calling up* "Switch feet and go for that grey one to your right"
Nat: "What grey one?"
Val: "The one at knee height"
Nat: "Are you kidding me?!"
Val: "No, you got it"
Nat: "Okay" *motivates self by pretending life depends on reaching grey bit of used-gum-thing*
Nat: "Nuuuurrrngh!!!"
Val: "You got it....."
Nat *constipated grimace of concentration* "Errrrumph!"
Val: "You can do it!"
Nat: *inelegantly scrapes a tentative hold* *sweat beading* "Neeee-arrrgh-psheeww!!"
Val: "Nice job!"
Nat: *puffing*"Ace. Now what?!"
Val: "Now stand up!"
Nat: "?!?!?!??!?!"
Nat: *negotiates severely with quads*
Val: "You can do it!"
Nat: *reminds quads that this is not a democracy*
Val: "Just work your legs!"
Nat: *bribes quads with vague promises of saunas and hot tubs*
.
.
(time lapse of maybe a minute)
.
.
Val: *infinite patience*
Nat: "Eeee-ningh!"
Val: "Nice job!!!"


And so it continued. Soon I was beyond the point at which I'd quit the first time.


Next I was halfway up.


I dared not even think about the top.


I concentrated on the small section of wall in front of me. I went on, and I went up. Each handhold and foothold was a victory. I was going to hang in there.


One more. One more. Just one more.


And then the top was in sight. And I knew I could make it.


I started to grin. I worked harder.


I REACHED THE TOP!!!!!!


"Tension!" I called triumphantly. I floated back down that wall with a smile from ear to ear. I bounced on the mat and embraced Val euphorically. "I DID IT!!!"


And here's the proof:

Doing it nicely about a third of the way up:

"Hurrah! This blurry easy-peasy!" (Sure, if you have your own Val-coach-and-cheer-squad):

Earnest progress:

Almost certainly a "Nnnnurrrr-arrrrggg-eeerr-ooooommmph!" moment:

Moment of triumph: HAVE DUNNIT!!!!!!!

 *dramatic context shot* (best not to look, Mum):

 (With apologies for the rear end. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - bummer [literally]).


And here I am with my awesome friend and new climbing instructor, Val. Can you tell we're happy that I dominated the wall?!

Over an hour later, I'm still on a super-charged-adrenaline high.


Thanks so much Val - for inviting me, for turning my day around, for being the best coach, for all your encouragement, and for making my first indoor rock climbing adventure unforgettable!


I'm definitely going back.